


Fragmentary Moon Deck

by stinkyfish



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Just a little canon divergence, Tarot Cards, comfort ish fic i wrote, coping with the death of mollymauk, theyre just trying to get through this together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 10:01:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22848337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stinkyfish/pseuds/stinkyfish
Summary: SPOILERS for Critical Role campaign 2 episode 90This especially keeps ep 26-27, 84 (maybe? I forget) and 90 in mind.Jester has taken over Mollymauk’s tarot deck and investigates it at the library.This explores the whole scenario when Laura said that Jester started to cry when looking at Molly’s deck.This is also me more or less making my case for why Mollymauk should stay dead, as well as coping with the loss of Mollymauk and how much he meant to me. It also has undertones of beaujester comfort.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett & Mollymauk Tealeaf, Jester Lavorre & Beauregard Lionett, Jester Lavorre & Mollymauk Tealeaf, Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	Fragmentary Moon Deck

Jester huffed exhaustedly and put down the thick anatomy book on the table with an audible thud. “All this library smartsy pants studying stuff is really hard work! I’ve probably poured like, as much time as Caleb does into books today. Maybe even more!” Her gleeful voice, which was just a little too loud for the otherwise peaceful library, bounced against the nearby bookcases as she wiped a nonexistent sweat off her brow. 

Now and again an archivist would pop their head around the corner or position themself somewhere nearby so that they always had a watchful eye over Jester, constantly reminding her that she was under supervision. Her loud outbursts and nonchalant chattering to herself wasn’t really appreciated in this environment, but she figured that the archivist was easy enough to ignore and if something more serious happened she could just call for Beau. 

Subconsciously Jester had developed a habit of talking to herself quite a lot when she was alone. It isn’t something she usually thinks about but it had become more prominent lately as she had started to follow Beau and Caleb to the library more often. She didn’t know wether the habit came from years of partial isolation and trying to keep herself company, or from constantly reaching out to The Traveler and telling him everything about her day to day activities. Although the options don’t really exclude each other. It’s just been going on for so long she has a hard time remembering when it even started. It doesn’t matter. It’s just something she’s always done, and it’s kind of pleasing regardless. 

“You know what, I think I got a little sidetracked.” Jester pushes away the pile of books she’s accumulated around her (which not only contained anatomy litterature but a few smutty goodies as well) in order to create a open space in front of her.   
“Time to get into the real stuff.”  
Reaching into her coat, her hand digs in and disappears into the deep pockets. Moving past sticky frosting glazed lint, lollipops, Sprinkles, and hundreds of different trinkets, she finally grab ahold of the rectangular, brick shaped tarot deck. She pulls it out, giving it a slight brush and a careful blow in an attempt to get rid of the glitter stains it had gotten from being in her pockets.

“Now that I think about it, I haven’t actually checked these out yet. Got way too excited about having them in the first place that it just slipped my mind. Oops.. Oh well, then let’s finally take this opportunity gaze upon the tools the great and magnificent Mollymauk used to tell the most accurate fortunes this world has ever seen.” Jester chuckled and spread the deck out on the table in a wide arc, displaying the majority of the cards at once.

It was a little odd. Some of the cards, especially the ones towards the end of the collection, were old and aged. They had yellowing edges and small rips and tears at the end of their corners, as if they had been used for a great deal of reading. This contrasted against the other part of the collection that had cards that were completely blank and seemingly untouched. But what really caught her off her guard was noticing that all of them were hand drawn. The cards that actually had been filled in were covered in imperfect lines and colors that bled and spilled out of their lining. 

“HOLY SHIT!” Squinting hard enough at one of the cards even revealed a small hidden dick just under the main motive. These really were Molly’s creations. He just hadn’t had time to finish them all.

She could feel her face tighten up a bit and made strained effort to keep her composure. She swallowed hard and kept her eyes locked on what was before her.

The only book she could find that had some general information about tarot cards was open right next to her. She flipped through it’s pages, trying to compare the pictures with the deck. None of them seemed to match? Although it did mention that there was this specific kind of deck, decks dedicated to the Moonweaver, that tended to be more chaotic and a little all over the place. Which seemed describe this one pretty well.

Her hand reached out and swept across the cards, shuffling them a bit to get a better look. Some were scribbled over, others had awkward folds in them.. She did recognized a few, having watched Molly tell some fortunes for shits and giggles for passersby now and again. Seeing him enchant other people with his words and mysterious truths was an experience in itself. Oh, how he could light up and restore the hope to anyone who came asking for his help or wisdom. She really missed that. 

Jester shuffled the cards again. Her gaze landed on The Serpent. She flipped another over and found The Chariot. Next to it was The Silver Dragon, then The Eye, The Anvil..

Her eyes darted around the pile, subconsciously going faster and faster as her gaze kept moving from one card to another. “Lovers, Fool, Devil, Tower-” She mumbled under her breath and continued going through the cards, her pace becoming more frantic. What was she even looking for? Why did she feel that something was missing. Why couldn’t she find- 

“The Moon.” Her heart sank.

“ It’s not here, where is it? I couldn't have lost it, I-”

Then it hit her. Of course it wasn’t here. She left it by Molly’s grave. 

Jester could feel her heart shatter into a million pieces as the memory of that cold winter day seeped into her thoughts. The crunching of snow beneath her. The white rolling hills surrounding the scene as she approached the final resting place of one of her best friends. Having to say goodbye to someone that introduced her to a whole new life of adventuring.  
The one who gave a reason for the Mighty Nein to even start forming bonds and becoming friends in the first place. 

She remembers how Beau had held her hand and walked her to the grave. Then extending the deck towards her and how fate had shown her the Moon one last time. It’s only fair that Molly kept that card.

Because to be honest, in all truth, it wasn’t the card she missed. Oh Traveler, the only thing she missed was seeing Molly.

That was her breaking point. The tears started rolling down her cheeks in waves, and regardless of her attempts to quickly blink them away their flow just became more persistent. Her vision starts to blur through all the tears, enough so that the cards in front of her don't really look like cards anymore but instead resemble something more of blurry blobs. 

Inside she could feel a clenching grip around her chest as it tightened up and squeeze her insides real hard. Small sniffling sounds had started to escape, so in a desperate attempt to try and shut herself up she took a deep breath and held it for as long as she could. When that failed she switched tactics and bit her tongue and tried to take long steady breaths, but to no avail. The sniffles and the snurvles keep pushing through her efforts of holding them back. At least she forced her hands to her sides instead of wiping away her tears, as this would preventing them from becoming even more swollen and irritated.  
She couldn’t cry here, not in a library. Beau, Caleb and Caduceus were around, she couldn’t do this right now. She can’t let them see her like this.

“Jester?”

Oh no. 

“Hey Jessie, where are you? Ah!” 

Beauregard’s footsteps started coming closer in a rapid pace, her voice becoming louder as she approached.   
“I’ve been looking for you, you’ll absolutely love this! I found this really interesting book that talks about-” Her footsteps started to slow. “These things.. and...” Her voice trailed off and she stopped abruptly just a few feet behind her.   
“Jester, I’m so sorry.”

Jester could hear the slight hesitance in her voice.

“I didn't mean to leave you alone for this long.” Beau’s voice sounded heartbroken and Jester couldn't for a second bear to hear it in that tone.   
“I know you don't really like the library and fuck, I’m really sorry, I should have checked in more and considered that you come here for company and to completely ignore that is fucking selfish. ”

She started approaching once more and Jester felt Beau’s gaze shift from her, pass over her shoulder, probably sticking on the table covered in the mess of cards. 

“Oh..” Her voice was filled with sympathy and if it even were possible became softer than what it had been before. “Shit. I get it now.”

“I’m fine, Beau.” Jester manages to muster out the words without having her voice crack too much, refusing to turn around and face her.

“Jess, don't lie to me.” 

The tears continued to come down and had by now started to form big wet spots on her cape.

Beauregard took a deep breath and calmly closed the gap between them, putting her arms around Jester from behind. Once Beau touched her she realized that even though she tried to stay still, her entire body was shaking vigorously. 

“Jess, please. It’s ok. You don’t have to lie. I know what you’re going through.”

She’s right. Why am I lying? Why am i lying to her? Jester took a shaky breath and gave in. She crashes into Beaus chest, turning around and burying her face right into her. Finally letting her feelings get the best of her and leans not only into them but into Beau. Beau’s arms hold a steady grip around her, squeezing her tight as if she felt a need to secure Jester in that she wasn’t going to go anywhere. That she was there for her right now and for whatever feelings Jester wanted to pour out on her, which was an overwhelming comfort to have. 

“I didn’t know. I didn’t know Molly drew. I didn’t know he was creative in that way. We never talked about it, he never told us,” Jester cried.  
”We never got to show each other our art, we never got to draw together or draw each other. We could’ve done so much. I missed out on. So. Much.” Jesters words were a muffled shaky mess against Beaus clothes. As she spoke, Beau had started stroking her hair, combing it gently and letting it run through her fingers as she nodded along.

“Jester, Mollymauk didn’t tell us because we didn’t know him for long enough. Sure, he might’ve thrown out an entertaining lie if we had asked about them, but god did that bastard know that he couldn't keep a secret from us that long anyway.” Jester felt Beau’s chest puff up a bit in the spirit of cockyness, but quickly reverted back to being calm again, since honestly, now was not the time. 

“And you didn’t miss out on him” She continued. “As much as Molly showed was as much Molly there was. You were even the one to pull it out of him first! Zone of truthed his ass way long ago and he finally started coming clean.That dude didn’t really hide anything after that. He trusted us, Jester. Not only with his secrets but with his life. 

Jester gripped the loose cloth of beaus clothing between her fingers. “But this is a Moonweaver deck! A deck that encourages creativity and deceit. Even the gods we worshipped were similar in some aspects! MISCHIEF AND JOKING IN CREATIVE WAYS IS LITERALLY WHAT I'M ALL ABOUT.”

“Jester-”

“BEAU YOU HAVE TO-, I-, WE HAD SO MUCH IN COMMON AND I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW. WE COULD'VE BEEN SO MUCH CLOSER IF I JUST HAD MADE A LITTLE MORE EFFORT, IF I JUST HAD REACHED OUT A LITTLE MORE. WE LOST A FRIEND BEAU. WE LOST A FUCKING FRIEND. I MISS HIM AND I WANT HIM BACK.”

“Excuse me?” An unfamiliar voice suddenly interrupted their conversation. “Do you know where you are? You know that we can have your access revoked from this place, right? How many times do I have to remind you that this is a library?!” Without either of them even noticing the archivist that previously had kept tabs on Jester flew around the corner, absolutely infuriated.

Beauregards head swung right up and pierced her gaze right into the archivist. She felt Beau’s grip around her tighten even harder as the archivist started fumbling over their own words, presumably just realizing who Beau was.

“O-Oh, expositer Beauregard- I heard- Well-”

“Would you mind giving us a moment? I don’t know what they taught you in your studies but human sympathy doesn’t seem to be one of them. Read the goddamn room.”  
Although Jester didn’t personally see it, she could tell by the archivist’s reaction that the glare Beau was giving them had the power to skin someone alive.

After an awkward pause they finally choked out a quiet “sorry” and quickly rushed away. 

“Hey, let’s go to my quarters,” Beau mumbled.

Jester kept her gaze focused down on the marble floor as Beau collected the cards and started leading her away from the scene. They began walking up some stairs and down several hallways, but she couldn't focus on wherever they were going. 

It was like she was seeing red. 

Thoughts were racing through her head and she could feel her blood literally start to boil. She didn't care about the archivist or this stupid library. They could throw her out and ban her all they wanted. She didn’t want to be there anyway. It’s not like they could understand. It’s not like they EVER could understand how it would be to go through the things that she’s gone though. On the things she’s missed out on and on the things that she’s lost. 

Beauregard threw open a door and shut it behind them as soon as they had stepped through the door frame, both of them now finding themselves in the room given to Beau for ascending up the ranks. 

Beauregard took a few steps into the room before turning around, looking right at her. Eyes peering straight into hers. 

“Jester. We can’t bring Mollymauk back. Don’t say those kinds of things.”

“Why are you saying that?! Beau-” she gesticulated wildly with her arms as to emphasise how unreasonable all of this was-”I don’t understand why you don't understand me. You guys were close, you talk about missing him all the time! What is there to lose? We already lost it and there's no reason for us to not get it back!”

“Jester, you know we can’t bring Molly back.” 

“WHY?! BECAUSE HE WAS ‘DONE’? MOLLY HAD UNFINISHED BUSINESS. NO, HE HAS UNFINISHED BUSINESS.” Jester looked up at Beauregard with glossy tearfilled eyes, pleading for her to listen and understand. “HE DIDN'T FINISH THE DECK, WE HAVE TO BRING HIM BACK. HE ISN’T DONE IN THIS WORLD. I KNOW THAT IF I STUDY, IF I PRAY TO THE TRAVELER JUST A LITTLE MORE, I KNOW I CAN DO IT. I CAN ASK CADUCEUS FOR HELP AND WE CAN WORK TOGETHER OR WE CAN FIND SOMEONE, WE HAVE THE MONEY AND THE RESOURCES-”

“Jester.” Beau took a deep breath. “Jester,” repeating herself once more to make sure that she had her attention. “Molly wasn’t that kind of person. I am listening to you, so I want you to listen to me. Something so fundamentally ‘Molly’ was that he wasn’t looking for something. He wasn’t incomplete and he wasn’t looking for his missing piece.” 

“You spent more time with that deck than I did! You should know that he wasn't finished with it!”

“It’s not about that. He was fully content with who he was and what he had. He was Mollymauk Tealeaf for fucks sake! And one moment he was here and in the next he wasn’t. That's just how it is.” Beau pulled a hand through her own hair and shook her head. “I don't think an unfinished art project of mismatch tarot cards is enough to will him back to life.”

“Well if not the tarot decks then what about his relationships! Our friendship wasn’t finished! We had so much more to explore together! ARGH-” She screamed out in frustration, baring her slightly more pointed tiefling teeth in the process.

“I didn't even get to say goodbye! I wasn’t there during his last moments,” she continued, her voice sounding more hoarse after all the previous screaming. “You were there for him. I was too weak and got stolen away by those idiots and was about to become a slave! I didn’t do my part and if I had been there with you, or even more alert we could’ve avoided this absolute mess!” 

“Don't say that about yourself!” barked Beau.

“You guys could have had a stronger backup fighting them and he would not have died.” 

“Don’t you ever put yourself down like that.” Beauregard said it with such weight that enforced that this was a non negotiable demand. “I’ve told you this and just because I haven’t in a while doesn’t make it any less true. Jester Lavore, what happened was not your fault. The very same guys that kidnapped you killed him, remember?! Mollymauk died saving his friends and one of those friends was you.”

Jester was breathing hard, her chest heaving up and down with intensity. Her entire body was tensed but she finally took a moment to let Beau’s words sink in. She hadn’t really noticed how heated things had gotten up until now, and the guilt for it was starting to creep up on her. 

Beauregard sighed deeply, frustratedly sitting down on the bed.  
“He needs to stay dead,” she continued. “He’s come back before. We can’t do that to him again. We can’t bring him back and continue that cycle. It wouldn’t feel right.” Her voice was quieter now, herself also having realized how loud she’d been arguing earlier.

“He has done what he came to do here as Mollymauk. That tiefling’s story has come to an end.” She paused. “And honestly? I doubt he would even remember us if he came back again, considering what happened with his memories last time he was. So there isn’t really a point to it all.” 

She gazed over towards jester, who was still standing by the door, unsure of what to do with herself and all of these emotions rushing inside her. 

“C’mere,” Beau patted on the space next to her on the bed, inviting her over. Without any resistance Jester gave a slight nod, took a few weak steps and slumped down beside her.

“I felt that I missed out on showing him who I was, or who I could be... What I displayed before him was some shitty mess of a person, which I in some ways still am, but I always wish I had been outright with him.” Beau reached over towards her, carefully extending her hand and opening her palm. She let it hover there for a few seconds before Jester reached for it too and intertwined their fingers together in a tight squeeze.

“I know you feel like you missed out on him and showing him what things you could do together. I share the exakt shitty feeling. So I’m here for you. I think the answer is to be here for each other and not force him back to be here with us.” 

Jester sniffed, nodding along just the slightest. “We just didn’t have enough time…” she whispered in a hoarse voice, letting her body fall and lean against Beau’s. 

“Yeah.” Beau agreed, leaning her head on top of Jesters.

They sat in silence for a few moments, just letting it all sink in, both promptly exhausted from not only arguing but arguing with each other. Beau leaned back, completely laying down on the bed, arms outstretched over the sheets. 

“I’m sorry I yelled,” Jester said quietly. “I really didn’t mean to. It was stupid.”

“I’m sorry I yelled too. Shit got a bit ugly, and that’s on me as well. I know how you feel, I really do. I’ve just forced myself to deal and process it a lot during the past months.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen it on you. You’ve changed.”

Beau smiled at that.

“Hey, you know what I hope for?”

Jester rubbed her eyes, wiping away the remaining tears. “What?”

“I hope that one day, during one of our adventures, or sometime looong after we’ve retired from this harsh life,”  
Jester hummed, to verify that she was listening and laid down on the bed next to Beau.  
“-we get to see a purple peacock of a tiefling in the middle of a crowd or at some rundown tavern.” Beau shifted to turn towards Jester, closing the distance between them so much that her hot breath tickled the other just the slightest, and continued. “And he’d be surrounded by a thrown together ragtag group of people, all laughing and caring for each other. Trading tales and secrets, watching out for one another.”  
“Hah..”  
“That if Molly’s mysterious powers ever force him back into life again, he gets to find a group of misfits that love him just as much as we do. A group that gets to grow with him and hopefully live alongside him for much longer than we ever had the pleasure of doing.”  
Tears were starting to well up in Beau’s eyes, but there was still a smile on her lips.   
“It’s been a long time since we lost him, but I still miss him so much. But sometimes it still gets me. I’m just so glad I don’t have to go through this alone.”  
Jester curled up against her, holding her hand tight. 

“Me too.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this mostly because I think people should let Mollymauk stay dead and not push for reasons to bring him back or try to find different ways to force him into the story again. Instead of obsessing over small details related to his return, or another Molly appearance, I think it’s cool to cherish what we had and find comfort in each other, since we all got to experience and love him together.
> 
> He’s dead. I like that. And I love him with my whole heart. Long may he reign. Thanks for reading. #letmollymaukstaydead
> 
> Sexy authors note: Oh and Smutty books found in the cobalt soul library refers to the collection archiving how different races reproduce and not actual pron (Jesters investigation is too low to find those).


End file.
